dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
