i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
