I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
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