i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
