I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
