I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
