i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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