If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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