Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
This is my gift to your gina
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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