I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
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