yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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