I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
