I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
