At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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