i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
