it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
The Olympian is in my bed
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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