Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Randomize
