I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
