You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
oh god was she eating orange peels again
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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