I wish I could punch you in the face.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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