Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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