I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
