I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Randomize
