He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Randomize
