we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
