4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
