Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
