I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Randomize
