A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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