Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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