Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
