The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Randomize
