You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
the raccoons are back...
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