Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
Randomize
