i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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