I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
