Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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