i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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