Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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