YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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