I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
