I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Randomize
