That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
