i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
This toilet bowl is my home.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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