I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Randomize
