he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
