So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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