home. puking in laundry basket.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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