My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
