ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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