I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Randomize
