I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
