Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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