Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Randomize
