Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Randomize
