Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
