i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
