I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
love makes seman taste better
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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