He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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