I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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