Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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