Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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