do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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