Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I am one with the molecules
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
