Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
