why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
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He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
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Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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