Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i already hear my dad disowning me
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
