I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
