There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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